Unanswered Questions
by AkaneSukishima
Summary: If a mute swears does his mother wash his hands? Why do they have braille on drive-through bank machines? All sorts of questions like this are answered by the Akatsuki as they reveal their pasts bit by bit. Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Unanswered questions! The answers to questions that people often can ponder, and wth the help of the Akatsuki!

Disclaimer: Yeah, I get it, un. I don't own Naruto, yeah.

Deidara: Stop talking like me! Hm.

Disclaimer: Whatever, un. i can talk like this if I want to Blondie, yeah. I don't own anything but this fic.

Question: If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

Answer:

As a child, Itachi never spoke very much. In fact, his words were often limited to three a day.

"Morning", "thanks", and "'night".

His mother often worried about him. What she didn't know was, that her son often said more than those to his little brother, Sasuke. Itachi, for example, would be sitting in his room, reading a book. Sasuke would walk in.

"Itachi?" the young raven-haired boy would ask.

The older boy slammed his book down onto his desk, turned to his little brother, leapt to his feet, and proceeded to jab his little brother in the forehead with his middle finger, and say, "Not right now, Sasuke. Maybe some other time."

After a few years of this, Sasuke was sick of this unworthy treatment. He approached his mother one afternoon, and told her to follow him.

He approached his brother's room at a quick, business-like stride. Once he was at the door, he turned the knob. Opening it quickly, he saw a very typical Itachi evning. The lights on dim, Itachi sprawled out on his bed, a book in his gracefully shaped hands.

"Itachi?" Sasuke pronounced his brother's name with more ice than usual.

The older Uchiha, as usual, stood u p, slammed his book down on his pillow, faced Sasuke, leapt up, and proceeded to jam his middle finger into the younger boy's forehead, while saying, "Not right now, Sasuke. Maybe some other time."

Their mother, who stood shocked in the doorway, took the few steps it took to reach her eldest son. Grabbing Itachi by the shoulders, she lead him to the washroom. Thrusting his hands violently underneat the tap, she poured soap onto the one middle finger that he used to assault his brother's forehead.

A/N: There's your answer! Stay tuned for our next chapter, coming up soon!


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Here's another chapter of Unanswered Questions! Today, we're asking Deidara for the answer!

Deidara: I didn't volunteer for this! Hm. She forced me! Slavery! SLAVERY! Hm.

Disclaimer: yatta yatta yatta. I don't own Naruto and all that crap. You already know that. yatta, yatta, yatta.

Question: Is there another word for synonym?

Answer:

As a traveling terrorist bomber, Deidara often encountered entire new areas of vocabulary. But, he always stuck to his old speech impediment as his root form of talking. But, he always tried to u se new and interesting words when he spoke. For example, whil traveling, he heard someone say "transient". Asking what it meant only cost him a handful of clay, and a run away. But he found out in the end. Now he uses that word regularly.

Now, he was curious. He had heard someone say something along the lines of "simonen" or "sinomom".

He wanted to know what the word was. He had a desperate feeling now. Knowing that someone kenw a word he didn't.

A few weeks after he'd heard this strange word, he met up with a raven-haired man in a black cloak adorned with red clouds. This dark man called himself "Itachi Uchiha".

Now, Deidara was curious. The man seemed not to speak alot, but you could tell by his posture and way of holding himself, he was a very, very inteligent man.

"Hey, un?" Deidara spoke up.

Itachi blinked, and looked at the bomber's face. "Yes?"

The blonde contemplated how to ask this question. This man looked dangerous.

"Is there such a word called symonyn? Hm."

Itachi's face went blank for a second, then a look of understanding flashed through his charcoal eyes. "You mean, synonym?"

Deidara perked up. "Yes, that's it, yeah. What does synonym mean, un?"

Itachi sighed inaudibly, then began his quick explanation. "A synonym is a word that means the same thing as another. For example, anger, mad. Upset, sad."

Deidara's visible eye lit up even wider. "Is there a synonym for synonym, yeah?"

Itachi shook his head slightly. "No."

Deidara slumped. "But there has to be. Hm."

Itachi just shook his head again. "No, there isn't."

Deidara all of a sudden perked up once more. "I got it! I'll make one, yeah! It's going to be... wait, how do you spell synonym?"

Itachi raised an eyebrow, but obliged. "S. Y. N. O. N. Y. M."

The shorter blonde contemplated this for a second, then exploded into a fit of laughter. "The synonym for synonym is... mynonys!"

A/N: And there's your answer! I wonder what the mynonys for un is. In? En? Review please!


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: And here we go, Zetsu's going to answer this one!

Question: If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

Answer:

At the Akatsuki base, it was a particularly sunny day. Zetsu was inside his greenhouse, watering the plants and feeding them and generally giving them company. Lately, Zetsu's dark side, Burnt, had been especially snippy to Zetsu's other half, Raw. Today, Burnt was about to snap.

Raw reached out and picked up his favourite daisy. "Hello, my daisy," Raw smiled. Burnt growled.

"That's it, Raw! I'im going to kill you! I'm taking you for ransom! Let's go," Burnt yelled, pulling the daisy from Raw's grasp. The daisy was set gently back on it' stand, then Burnt tugged along behind him a very scared Raw. Into the Akatsuki base, then to the office.

Knock, knock.

The orange-haired leader looked up. "Come in!"

Zetsu walked in. Burnt scowled furiously, and yelled, "I'm going to kill Raw!"

Pein stood up immediately, and sat the shaking Zetsu down in a chair. Closing and locking the office door, Pein turned to the mentally unstable member of the organization. Well, one of the more mentally unstable.

"This is a huge problem. Would you describe your reasoning, Burnt?"

Burnt opened his mouth. "Well, Raw has been controlling my every move, and I haven't had any time with some body control in the last two years!"

The leader sat down at his desk, and started to take notes. At the end of both sides of the story, Pein glanced over his notes. Lifting his hand, he summoned Konan.

"Take a look at these," he passed Konan the notes. She skimmed over them once... twice... thrice...

Pein finally interrupted her calculating gaze. "What would you call this...fanominon?"

The blue-haired female looked both men dead in the eye. "A hostage situation. Burnt, release Raw this instant, or I will take drastic measures against this serious offence."

A/N: Oooohhhh, Judge Konan! And, prosecuter Pein! Criminal Burnt, and victem Raw. There's your answer! Hostage situation. Review!


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Today, Kakuzu's answering the question!

Question: How did a fool and his money get together in the first place?

Answer:

As a 25 year old making business in today's world, or a loooong time ago's world, Kakuzu always had hungered for the green slips of paper. The currency is what he craved. Collecting dollar bills was a hard task for him. He never seemed to do anything right in the first place. Living in the town they made all of the currency in wasn't helping this craving, either. So, as he pondered his choices one day, he skimmed over the jobs collumn in the newspaper. The brunette finally found what he was looking for. He found... a job at the factory that created and printed money!

Money!

His mind only had one word in a mantra running through it.

Money!

Money!

Money!

Money!

Money!

Money!

Money!

Money!

Money! Money!

Money!

Money!

Money!

Money!

Money!  
Money!

Mon--

Kakuzu jumped to his feet, dropping the newspaper. No address or anything was needed. He knew exactly where to go. To the money making place! No pun intended. Running out of his apartment, and forgetting to lock the door, he dashed down the street, in the middle of the road, dodging cars and running around bicycles. The building was right ahead of him! As he approached the door, he extended his hand, thrust the entrance open, and bounded inside. He wasn't even out of breath. It being only seven thirty in the morning, the staff still looked sleepy.

"Hi, I would like to apply for a job!" he demanded to the young teenage girl behind the counter.

She nodded, and as she passed him a paper, he filled it out quickly.

The young girl all of a sudden remembered something. "Before you can submit that, you have to under go a test to test your loyalty," she announced, pulling some of her shiny red hair from her face.

Kakuzu looked up. "What is this... test?"

She explained. "You have to drive a truckfull of money to an insurance building, then drive it back with out stealing a single dollar."

This test sounded so easy! He accepted, and before long, he was seated n the drivers seat of the largest semi-truck he'd ever seen in his entire life. Then, he wondered about something. Why was a semi truck called a semi truck? He shrugged it off. Pushing in the keys into the ignition, he revved up the engine. It seemed just fine. Driving the truck into a fast roll, he guided it about half way to the insurance building. Then, it hit him.

How would they know if he took a single dollar? How in hell would they know?

Stopping the humongous vehicle, he slid out of the drivers cab.

On the sidewalk, he glanced inside the back window, into the huge cart of money.

The mantra returned, only louder this time.

MONEY!

MONEY!

MONEY!

MONEY!

MONEY!

MONEY!

MONEY!

MONEY!

MONEY!  
MONEY!

MONEY!

MONEY!

MONEY!

MONEY!

MONEY!

MONEY!

MONEY!

MONEY!

He pulled open the back door of the vehicle, which was surprisingly open. Reaching inside, he pulled out wad, after wad, after wad, after wad of

MONEY!

With a huge grin on his face, he didn't realize what he had been doing to himself while pulling out the money. Turning, he then realized.

He was not twenty-five years old anymore. He looked more like ninety one!

He didn't care, though. He ditched the truck, taking most of the money with him. At his apartment, he realized... I'm such an idiot.

A/N: There's your answer! Review!


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: We've returned with... unanswered questions! This time, it's Kisame's turn to answer!

Question: If one cyncronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

Answer:

Kisame, as a young boy at about twelve years old, was your typical teenage shinobi. He complained about D-rank missions, he complained about the money he earned... Yep, your typical boy at that age. In his free time, he swam in cyncronization. In other words, he was a cyncronized swimmer. Kisame Hoshigaki often got sick of people teasing him about his horrible swimming, so he took up the new swimming habbit.

After a few years of practice, he was in a team of cync swimmers. No pun intended. Just before a performance, their coach, Nanananana-sensei (Don't ask), told them to follow each and every move each of them made down to the very exact amount of water moved. Kisame understood. He was one of the best cync swimmers (still no pun intended) in the group, now that he'd been in the team for a few years.

Once in the water, everything ran smoothly. Everyone was doing just fine. Finally came the part where they layed flat on their backs ontop of the water, linking arms. So they did so.

Kisame was in the middle of the group. The cync swimmer to the right of the entire group suddenly kicked, and sunk under water. Way to put cync into his job title. Once underwater, a few of the swimmers glanced over, and noticed this kid turning blue. They all pushed and pulled to get u nder water, and started to turn blue as well. As soon as Kisame saw this, he plunged underneath, farther than the rest of them. As a young boy, he had no clue what would happen if he stayed, since he'd never tried it before. He was turning slowly bluer and bluer. He noticed, that he couldn't breathe this far underneath the water. Sliding his hands up to his cheeks, he poked at them. He jumped, but not above the waters surface. Gaps had opened in his cheeks, in the shape of gills! Leaping up to the surface, he broke from the surface, and took large breaths of air. Nanananana-sensei leapt into the water. He still hadn't returned to his normal colour! He was all blue, and had gills in his cheeks!

A/N: Well, there's your answer. Yeah, they have to! Well, in Kisame's team they had to. Review please!


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: And here's the next installment of unanswered questions! Today, we have Deidara with us!

Deidara: Again. Hm.

A/N: Yes. Again. Hm.

Deidara: -sighs loudly-

Question: If a stealth bomber crashes in the forest, does it make a sound?

Answer:

By the Akatsuki base, there is a rather large forest. Every time the Akatsuki goes to travel on a mission, the mission takers usually avoid going through the forest. It's just... what they did. Kind of a tradition, I guess you could call it. But, one day, that idiot (Deidara: Hey! Hm), Deidara, decided to fly his bird over the forest, with him on it, of course. He didn't see why he couldn't. Sasori wasn't around, and Deidara didn't have a mission. He just wanted to know what was so bad about the forest that they couldn't go through it. Pulling himself atop his newly created bird, he guided it up and above the treetops. Once he was about a hundred feet above them, he flew right over the forest. Grinning like an idiot, he decided to quickly look down. A tree taller than the rest of them was growing rapidly, and reached up. He had no clue what the hell was happening. The growing tree knocked him and the bird out of the air, and down into the forest. Crashing through the trees, he wondered... if this happened in a battle, he wouldn't be very wel hidden. After all, it was SOOOOOOOO loud to go bashing and smashing through all of these branches all of a sudden. Not to mention the fact that the growing tree had shrunk again. Hitting the ground, it shook slightly from the impact.

A/N: There's your answer! Review please!


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: And here's our next installment of Unanswered Questions! Sorry it took so long. Anyhow, Pein will be answering our questions this time!

Question: What does Geronimo scream when he jumps out of a plain?

Answer:

On his way to China for who knows what who knows when and who knows why, Pein sat in his aisle seat in the plane. A man next ot him to his left in a window seat, had stranger hair than his own. Now, at the time, Pein had made his hair extra spikey to last the entire trip. He had used fifty seven and a half bottles of gel. Who knows why he counted, but he did. Sitting back in his seat, he nudged the bag under the seat in front of him with his toe, then pulled back his foot. That was bound to get him kicked off for touching someone else's carry-on bag. But the man to his left wasn't being shy at all about it. Both of his feet were violently kicking at a bag under another person's seat. The person in front of this man looked around, and the spikey blue-haired man stopped, and started staring out of the window. His hand was pressed up against the glass. The person ahead of this strange character waved over a stewartess. She came over, and the person spoke quietly. She nodded, and turned to the now shaking blue-spikey head.

"Sir, I'm afraid I'll have to ask you to--"

"The name is Geronimo Newtonn!"

The stewartess paused, then continued. "I know that, Mr. Newtonn, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to leave this flight immediately. Suddenly, Geronimo pummeled his right hand straight through the airplane's window! It shattered, and he gathered his legs under him, and leaned out of it. The young stewartess's eyes widened, and she opened her mouth to object to his actions. But just before the words came out, a loud "BOB!!!!!!!!!!" filled the air. Geronimo had leapt out of the window.

A/N: Poor answer, I know... but no matter how horrific it was, please reviewz!


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: Here I am with the eightth question! It's hard to find ones that are fun to write, nomesayin? ... Dear god. J-Roc, never enter my life again. Bubbles might find the nomesayin fly funny, but you got my best friend to torment me with that.

Not funny!

... Okay fine, a little funny.

I don't need a disclaimer! I own everything! EVERYTHING!

Question: What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

Answer:

Kisame, Itachi, Zetsu and Deidara stood outside of the Akatsuki base, watching an odd creature lumber about. Zetsu had first spotted it and pointed it out to Kisame, who dragged Itachi out. Deidara saw the gathering and was curious.

The creature was tall and green, powerfully built and lean. It had three legs, one of which was shorter than the other two and dangled limply with seemingly no bone structure; only a foot at the bottom signified it was a leg. It had a wide, viciously toothy grin and two large pale yellow eyes. The teeth were currently uprooting a silky dark green plant. Zetsu noticed this, and growled.

Kisame raised an eyebrow, and Zetsu growled again. "It needs to fuck off from that plant. It's rare... endangered, if you will... he seriously needs to fuck off. Before I get angry."

Kisame shook his head. "Maybe he's just hungry. Let it go, I'm sure it's not the last of the kind around."

Zetsu growled again, glaring pointedly at the swordsman. "That stupid creature is a useless bafoon. I'll slaughter it!"

Itachi then spoke up. "This animal is an endangered species; you are not supposed to kill it."

Kisame grinned while Zetsu grumbled. Deidara hadn't said anyting, and the other three had forgotten about him. His silence was unusual, and he just slipped their minds.

The creature gave one great tug, and the plant slid up out of the Earth and into his mouth. He chewed once, twice, thrice, and then swallowed.

Silence.

Too quiet.

"KATSUUUUUU!"

WUBBAAAAANG!

The area was covered in piles of red and green flesh, sizzling from the explosion. Small trails of smoke lead up into the clouds. The other three nins spun around to find Deidara in a victory pose, fist pumping in the air.

Kisame was the first to speak.

"What..."

Zetsu continued.

"The fuck..."

Then they chorused together.

"IS WRONG WITH YOU?"

A/N: That's right. you wait until the plant is eaten, and then you kill the animal. Ethical, right? I'm all for PETA: People for the Eating of Tasty Animals.

Review!


End file.
